Canadian Friends With Benefits

A man has an argument with a guy he knows; the man attacks this person. He punches and kicks the guy, and tries to prevent him from calling the police by cutting his phone cord. Finally, the man stabs himself with a butcher knife.

The judge in the case decides that (1) the 146 days the man has already served in pre-trail custody was enough jail time, and (2) the appropriate sentence is: Not allowed to have a guy friend for the next three years.

Because, you see, it's not about the man's lack of impulse control; his inability to control his actions vis-a-vis others and himself. It's not the assaulting, the cutting of the phone cord, and the stabbing of self.

No, no. The problem here is that the man cannot from a relationship of a civilized nature with a male person.