The 7-Inch Cure to Your Sexual Slump

Photo by Northampton Museum

Ladies, is your confidence low? Do you feel powerless? Are you forced to ponder the meaning of life as you go through a dry spell, unable to get laid? Not to worry, Amanda Sidman of the NY Daily News is here to fix what ails you.

Just strap on a pair of 7-inch heels and feel the empowerment surge through your bunions. Because, clearly, what man in his right mind can resist a woman who

• has trouble walking

• needs a wall to steady herself as she descends a flight of stairs

• struggles to stay upright

• is forced to needlessly spend money on overpriced taxis

• purposefully incapacitates herself so that she can depend on the kindness of strangers to carry her across the street

If you ask me, Ms. Sidman overlooks the obvious. Forget spike heels. Just cut off your toes altogether, sit yourself on the curb with your pretty little stumps and you are guaranteed to have men swarming around you. Granted, they'd most likely be drawn to you out of concern for your health (mental and otherwise) and they'll be speed dialing 911 but, hey, just think how empowering all that male attention will be.